


Issues

by Annabeth712



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Betrayal, Depression, Dialogue Heavy, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Hong Jisoo | Joshua-centric, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Running Away, dont take the betrayal tag seriously its very small, i wrote this because i needed too, im back bishes, joshua is depressed, seungkwan is a pure boy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:21:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,140
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21612160
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annabeth712/pseuds/Annabeth712
Summary: Joshua was very much looking forward to his day; their schedule for the day was short and sweet. He wakes up with the sun in his face and everything goes downhill from there.ORJoshua is sad and sick and Seventeen helps him heal.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan/Hong Jisoo | Joshua, Hong Jisoo | Joshua/Everyone
Comments: 5
Kudos: 123





	Issues

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! I'm back!  
> It's only been 2 years it's fine everything is FINE.  
> I wrote this because I was anxious and needed a way to vent since I don't have anyone to talk to in real life.  
> I'm gonna try to update the works I have uploaded already! All except the Miraculous one, I'm not a fan of it and I'm not even caught up with the show as of rn.  
> I'm gonna work on my Voltron fics and my Teen Titans fic though! As well as this one.  
> Updates right now will be sporadic as I'm a senior in college and finals are coming up!  
> If you enjoy this, leave me a kudos and a comment! I love reading your comments!

Joshua woke up to the sun streaming through the window... and straight into his face. He rolled over in his small bed to face the wall, away from the beam of light. He looked at the clock as he did so. He was certain he could get at least five more minutes of sleep before-

“Alright guys! Let’s get up and get ready for the day!” Seungcheol yelled into the room before going down the hall to the others. Joshua shared his room with Jeonghan and Jun, both of whom groaned at the loudness of Seungcheol’s voice. Joshua, however reluctant to get out of bed, was looking forward to today.

Their schedule consisted of a small interview, followed by a few hours of vocal practice and dance practice. Nothing too strenuous.

Joshua got up a few moments later, finding he felt slightly nauseous, but that could be because he didn’t have time to eat dinner last night. He made his way to the bathroom, finding it unoccupied (thank God, he really had to pee) and closed the door behind him. When he emerged a few moments later he found Jun waiting outside, his arms crossed.

“Took you long enough, hyung. Move I gotta go,” Joshua was surprised by Jun’s words, and the harshness of them, but stepped out of the bathroom so Jun could enter. He slammed the door behind him, and Joshua felt a little bad for taking so long (though he could’ve sworn that he was only in there for five minutes).

He walked into the kitchen and was greeted by the members, who were all gathered eating breakfast. Joshua had been watching his weight for a while now; he noticed that his face was puffier than usual, and he was starting to get a little chubby. He put some food on his plate and sat down at the table, he was lucky he got a seat.

“Yah, Shua-hyung, you’re gaining too much weight, you sure you wanna eat all that?” Joshua looked up to meet Minghao’s gaze. He hadn’t even started eating yet.

He felt his stomach drop. It was that noticeable? He thought it wasn’t that bad, but for the members to notice… he must have been slacking.

He forced a laugh and waved him off.

“Hush Hao, it’s fine,” Seungcheol walked into the room with Jeonghan and Jihoon, (they had been nicknamed sleeping beauties, since they were so hard to wake in the mornings). Minghao muttered an apology and continued eating.

Seungcheol took a seat beside Joshua and patted his back. His reassurance was appreciated, but did nothing to curb the nauseous feeling in his stomach. He murmured something about leaving his phone on his bed and excused himself to go get it. He never went back to the kitchen.

\---

The interview was torture for Joshua. He hadn’t slept well the past few days, (the makeup noonas made sure to chastise him for the bags under his eyes), his thoughts kept him up at night. His head was pounding, from the lack of sleep or lack of food he couldn’t be sure. The nauseous feeling from earlier had never left his stomach.

The lights on the set made him slightly dizzy and he was thankful for the chairs the boys sat in. He didn’t pay much attention to the interview until the questions began to concern him.

“So Joshua, how was growing up in LA?” The interviewer asked, a smile plastered on his face.

Joshua smiled,”It was interesting, there was a lot of traffic,” everyone laughed, “but it was a really cool place, I was really sad when I had to leave all of my friends, but I don’t regret a thing,” he finished with a smile.

The interviewer seemed pleased with his response, but aimed another question or two at him anyway. Joshua wasn’t used to getting this much attention in interviews.

“Do you keep in touch with your friends from America?”

“Yeah,” Joshua nods, “we text a lot, and sometimes I’ll video chat with them.”

“Which is better, your Korean or your English?”

“Probably my English. I spoke Korean at home with my family, but at school and outside my house it was all English, so yeah, probably my English.”

The interviewer laughed.

“Rumor has it that you don’t have very many special talents Joshua.”

“Yah, you’re right!” It was Soonyoung this time.

“He’s always messing up in practice too,” Minghao yelled, “always holds us back when we learn things!”

It was getting harder to keep his smile.

“And he always takes too much food, and uses all the hot water!” It was the maknae this time.

Each comment from his members struck him like a knife through his heart. _Is this what they really think of me?_

After the interview was over, Joshua didn’t talk to anyone. He just put his headphones in and turned the music up too loud on the way home. He missed the concerned glances from Jun and Jeonghan.

___

Vocal practice is usually where Joshua feels at ease. Today, however, he feels tense. They had been working on a new song, and one of Joshua’s lines called for a higher note. On a good day he would’ve been able to hit it, but today it seems to be alluding him.

“Joshua, did I write the note too high?” Jihoon asks.

He doesn’t sound angry, if anything he’s genuinely concerned that he’s made an error. Joshua shakes his head.

“No Jihoonie, I’m just having an off day, I’m sorry. I can hit it I swear,” Jihoon nods, believing him.

“Okay just practice it for me alright? Let me know if you have any trouble with it.”

Joshua nods. He hears a murmur in the back of the room.

“It would be nice if we didn’t get held up every time Joshua-hyung makes a mistake. Maybe he needs private lessons,” there’s a snicker and a slap, and Joshua turns around to see Seungkwan slapping Chan in the back of the head.

“I’d like to see you hit that note,” he whispers to the maknae.

He hates that he’s such a screw up. He can’t do anything right.

\---

Dance practice is rough. Josh is still dizzy from the raging headache he has. He’s stumbling over his own feet and he can tell that everyone is getting frustrated with him. They’re practicing a move for the umpteenth time (because Joshua apparently can’t handle even the simplest of moves today) when Hoshi turns around to face the group.

“Hyung why don’t you go practice in the hallway for a bit and I’ll catch you up later, we’re wasting time waiting for you.”

The nauseous feeling tightens in his stomach and an ache begins to take shape in his chest. He walks out of the room without a sound, letting the door slam. He doesn’t practice though, he never gets the chance too. He’s walking down the hall to get a drink, when he stops, suddenly overwhelmed with dizziness. His vision is blurry. He tries to stabilize himself against the wall but instead falls and hits his head on the wall.

The last thing he remembers is hearing Seungkwan yelling for help and Jun’s face looking down at him with worry.

\---

He woke up a few hours later, Seungkwan and Vernon were sitting on the floor by his bed. He let out a small groan, and both their heads shot up, looks of worry and concern etched into their features.

“Shua-hyung? Are you awake?” Vernon asked.

He hadn’t opened his eyes, but he heard shuffling and assumed one of them went to get Seungcheol.

“Yeah…”

“Yah, hyung what the heck happened?” It was Seungkwan’s voice this time.

“I… I don’t know I just-”

“You passed out Shua,” Seungcheol’s voice broke through.

“I did?” The last thing he remembered was going into the hallway…

“When was the last time you ate Shua?” Seungcheol placed his hand on Joshua’s forehead.

“I… I didn’t eat breakfast this morning… I missed dinner last night…”

“Hyung, you never miss breakfast!” Seungkwan was appalled.

Vernon crossed his arms.

“You left breakfast this morning without eating and never came back. Said something about getting your phone.” Seungcheol’s eyes widened in realization.

“Was it because of what Minghao said? Shua you’re fine-”

“I’m not,” Joshua didn’t realize he had spoken until silence enveloped the room.

“I’m always there for everyone. Reassuring them when they feel bad about themselves, taking care of them when they’re sick, making sure they eat and take care of themselves. But who does that for me? No one. No one comes to check on me. If I ever talk to anyone about anything it’s because I go to them. Everyone just assumes I’m fine but I’m not.” The silence was deafening.

It was the first time that Joshua had admitted this to himself, let alone to his members. He turned his head to look away from the three members in the room.

“Shua…” Joshua heard Seungkwan’s voice crack.

No one seemed to notice the lack of formality, or if they did they didn’t chastise him for it. Joshua felt a weight on the bed, and looked over to see Seungkwan sitting down now, his hand coming to rest on his face, wiping away tears that Joshua didn’t even realize were falling.

“It’s just been a bad day,” Joshua said, locking eyes with Seungkwan.

“I’m sorry Josh, I should’ve noticed, I should’ve done something… _I’m so sorry Josh_ ,” Seungcheol took Joshua’s hand and gave it a squeeze.

“It’s fine Cheollie-hyung, it wasn’t your fault.”

“It is though. It’s my job as a leader to take care of you, or at least make sure you’re taking care of yourself. You haven’t been talking to anyone about your feelings all while we’re adding to it. It’s not fair to you and we’re sorry. We’re so sorry Shua, _I’m so sorry_ ,” Seungcheol was crying now, and Joshua didn’t know how to react.

Minghao walked into the room, his head hanging low.

“Minghao now is not the time,” Jun stood and turned to face his counterpart. Joshua could feel rage emitting off of Jun.

“I just want to apologize to Joshua-hyung. For what I said earlier. I...I didn’t mean it, I don’t have an excuse but I feel so bad, I’m so sorry,” Minghao locked eyes with Joshua as he spoke.

“Minghao I-” Joshua tried to speak but Minghao was shoved before he could continue.

“You know how bad those words can hurt someone! Why the FUCK would you even THINK to say them?! What the fuck is WRONG with you?!” Wonwoo, surprisingly, was behind the shove and the yelling. _Please stop yelling._

“YAH! What the FUCK Wonwoo!?”

“I don’t know if you know this but Joshua is struggling with-” Wonwoo starts but is interrupted by Joshua.

“Wonwoo, don’t. That’s enough,” Joshua stands, slowly and with help from Seungkwan. Wonwoo and Seungkwan were the only ones that knew about his… condition.

“No, the only reason he thinks he can get away with this is because no one else fucking knows, Joshua! You need to tell everyone so you can get support from all of us and not just me and Seugnkwan! This has to stop!” Joshua’s eyes were wide and tears were streaming down his face.

The yelling and shoving were enough to unnerve him but the fact that it was because of him and targeted at him now, well that was enough to break him.

“Won-” Joshua tried to interject, tried to get him to just shut up, but to no avail.

“No, Seungkwan and I have talked about it. We can’t handle it anymore.”

“Wonwoo that is not what I said and you know it-” Joshua vaguely heard Seungkwan speak.

His focus was on the harsh words coming out of Wonwoo’s mouth. Joshua knew he was right. He knew that he needed to tell the other members about his condition, but he just wasn’t ready. He knew he was being ridiculous, only confiding in Seungkwan and Wonwoo, but he trusted them. He knew that no matter what they would always be there for him. He was having second thoughts now.

“The two of us can’t handle your issues anymore on our own. The others need to know! I’m done!” Wonwoo’s face was red, his hair was tousled, and angry tears covered his cheeks.

“Enough,” Joshua let go of Seungkwan and walked out the room on unsteady feet.

All he had on were his slippers and a short-sleeved shirt and sweatpants. They were still damp from practice. He strode past the other members who were eavesdropping on the screaming match. He didn’t pay any mind to their concerned faces, and he couldn’t hear their questions and protests as he walked out the front door into the cold winter evening.


End file.
